


Never Letting Go

by wolfenboy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, Soft Ending, but lots of fluff and softness too, eventual partners, kid AU, slight angst, soft, some sad times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-13 04:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15355878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfenboy/pseuds/wolfenboy
Summary: Nine year old Liam has a near death experience and meets a boy named Theo. They become instant friends, but when fate tears them apart they both feel the loss. Years pass and they are brought together and forced apart as they grow older, dealing with the trials of life with only each other to lean on in fleeting moments, until the day it all comes to a head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I prompted myself to do this somehow? Because I love to torture myself. 
> 
> There are 3 chapters: kid(9/10), teen(18/19), and young adult(24/25). This one is the first (obviously ha). The others might be slower due to life and work... but they're coming ;)
> 
> A song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJjfbMiF0-c&frags=pl%2Cwn

The bike was going too fast. Liam held the handlebars tight as the wheels started to wobble side to side. The wind whipped his hair back from his face (he’d avoided his mom’s scheduled hair cuts three times in the past month) and his feet were aimed out like two twigs, unable to keep up with the peddles. He knew taking Brett’s dare was a bad idea—the other boy was always getting him into trouble. But now Liam was sure that at nine years old, he was going to die.

The steep hill he’d been dared to coast down (on a bike without real breaks) abated suddenly and turned into a gradual slope that came to a sharp turn right on the edge of someone’s lawn. Which was exactly where Liam didn’t mean to aim his bike, but in a panic, that’s where he shot straight towards.

The stop was sudden—the front tire of the bike hit a ring of rocks around a small flower bed. Liam flailed as he was launched from the seat. The bike tumbled away beneath him, while he came crashing down on the lawn and destroying several potted plants in the process. His chest heaved, lungs pulling in huge amounts of air, desperate to confirm they were alive. An instant flood of relief washed over him. Followed by the fear of almost losing his life. Liam couldn’t help it—he started to cry.

‘Are you hurt?’ The voice cut through his tears. Liam looked up to see a boy around his age. Maybe older. He was dressed in a black suit and looked like he’d been crying himself not long ago. A different feeling, something new he hadn’t felt before, rose like a balloon inside of him as the boy knelt down next to him.

Liam fought his sobs down to sniffles, and wiped the tears on his arm. ‘My dad says boys shouldn’t cry.’

‘That’s dumb.’ The dark-haired boy said. His eyebrows were tugged down into a frown as green eyes scanned Liam over.

‘My name’s Liam Dunbar.’ He said, holding out his hand to shake—it was important to have good manners after all.

‘Theo.’ The dark-haired boy said, looking at the hand. He reached out but instead of shaking, he pulled Liam to his feet. The boy winced when his left leg took his full weight. He would have toppled over again if Theo hadn’t been there to lean on.

‘Sorry.’ Liam mumbled.

’S’ok.’ Theo said. ‘I never saw a kid fly before.’

‘What?’

‘Dude,’ Theo said, ‘You went like _whuuuup_ right through the air off your bike!’

Theo beamed at him. Liam found himself unable to do anything but smile back. Theo looked much better when he was happy. A sharp pain brought Liam back to reality as Theo set him down on the front steps of the house.

Theo leaned over, looking at Liam’s banged up knee—there were only a few scrapes and bruises forming (which was a miracle considering his recent tumble mid-air). Theo reached out, and Liam withdrew reflexively.

‘Let me see it.’ Theo said. Liam didn’t move.

‘My mom puts stuff on it that always makes it feel worse.’ Liam said.

‘You gotta put that on. Or your leg will maybe fall off.’ Theo nodded to himself. ‘But I know a trick to make it better. Stay here!’

Theo was off in a second before Liam could react. He sat there on the steps. His knee looked pretty messed up, but he could still bend it. He just couldn’t stand on it normally. But Theo said he could make it better, and Theo was good. He could trust Theo. It was a little odd though, that his parents didn’t come running outside right away, like Mason’s house. Or Brett’s. Maybe Theo lived alone. Except no kid lived on their own. Maybe. Liam wasn’t sure.

The other boy came back with a plastic case full of bandages and other stuff that looked like what his mom used when he got hurt. Liam eyed it suspiciously as Theo took the cap off.

‘This’ll sting.’

Liam moved his leg away.

‘You promised it wouldn’t hurt.’

‘No, I said I knew a trick to make it feel better. But you got to be braver than that.’ Theo said. ‘You just crash landed into my house! You can handle this. I know it.’

Liam chewed his bottom lip. It did make sense. He let Theo pour the stuff on his cuts and he hissed through the pain. Before the brunt of it could hit he felt something soft on his cheek—fleeting but warm. He opened his eyes as Theo finished the quick peck and sat back down beside him.

Liam’s hand went to his face and held the spot. His eyes were wide as his mind-raced. Kissing was gross. But that was just because kissing was with girls. And some of them had cooties (the best ones did not, but Liam had yet to devise a system to figure that out). Hayden chased him around the playground, trying to kiss him all last school year. He’d barely survived. Why then, did it feel so different when Theo kissed him? Was it because Theo was a boy? Liam didn’t even know boys could kiss, but it did make sense, because everyone had lips. Was it just because it was Theo, and he was special in some way Liam didn’t know?

Liam felt his cheeks burn with the blush that his grandmother always thought was the cutest thing.

‘You kissed me.’ Liam squeaked. Theo shrugged like it was no big deal.

‘Does your knee hurt?’ Theo asked. Liam looked down at it—cleaned and covered in bandages. Not as neat as his mother’s, but secure.

‘Not as much.’ Liam said.

‘Good.’

Liam blinked. Theo was weird. But like, good weird. Kind of like Mason, who was always talking about unicorns and dragons and stuff like that. Except Theo was good in a different way too, but Liam didn’t have the words to describe the feelings.

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why’d you kiss me?’

‘My sister used to do it all the time when I got hurt.’ Theo said, trailing off as if something invisible was leaning on top of him. Crushing him.

‘She sounds nice.’

Theo nodded his head. The tears started to flow without warning. Liam didn’t think—there wasn’t time. He hugged Theo tight, with all his strength. Because Theo couldn’t be sad. Shouldn’t be sad. Theo was cool and nice and pretty and needed to be happy, like how he made Liam feel. All the emotions swirling around confused him, but he knew he had to make Theo feel better somehow.

The dark-haired boy went stiff at first, then leaned into the touch before wrapping his arms around Liam and crying openly into the boy’s shoulder. Liam didn’t know any words to make people feel better like his mom did. Instead he held on tight, pressing the side of his head hard against Theo’s.

‘What are you doing?’ The boy asked through tears.

‘I’m giving you all my good thoughts.’ Liam said, keeping their heads resting together.

‘That doesn’t work.’

‘Sure it does.’ Liam said.

‘You’re weird.’ Theo said. A smile broke the sadness on his face and he sighed, leaning against Liam as his tears faded.

A few minutes later Theo calmed down. Liam let go and leaned back to sit in his own spot on the stairs. He felt Theo’s hand grab his before he got far. The boy looked at him with drying tears and Liam flashed his best smile—the one he saved for when his grandmother visited so she would give him a ten dollar bill. Theo softened then, and gave a little hiccup. Liam scooted as close as he could without hurting his knee. He rested their hands on his lap as their shoulders touched. It was nice to hold hands and sit close. It was nice to be close to Mason (even Brett when he wasn’t being mean), but this wasn’t the same for some reason.

They watched the birds hop around on the lawn, hunting for food and singing to each other. Theo didn’t say anything at first, but Liam saw him glance over sometimes like he was making sure Liam was still there.

‘Aren’t you gonna ask where my parents are?’ Theo mumbled. An invitation.

‘Where are they?’

‘A funeral.’

Liam looked at the dark clothes Theo was wearing. He was familiar with funerals. He had to go to one when his grandfather died. He didn’t understand what it meant until they got to the church and he saw his grandfather in the coffin. He wasn’t moving. He would never move again. Or talk, or sing, or even make fun of how Liam danced around the room. He cried then, when he understood. That’s what death meant. His mom tried to tell him that people were never really gone, but it felt like a lie she made up to take some pain away. It still hurt to think about, but not as much. That’s what Theo felt, maybe.

‘Is your sister dead?’ Liam asked. Theo nodded.

‘I fell into the river. She saved me. But then she went missing and then no one could find her.’ Theo ran his thumb against Liam’s the more he spoke.

‘And then they did. But my mom kept saying she was gone. And my dad doesn’t look at me anymore. And it’s all my fault.’

‘But you didn’t make her go in the river. She wanted to save you!’ Liam blurted out.

‘She should have let me go. Then she’d be alive.’

‘No way. Big sisters are supposed to help you. She was helping you best she could. She didn’t want you to be drowned.’ Liam nodded to himself as he made sure the logic worked in his head.

‘And if she weren’t around I would save you for sure.’

‘Really?’ Theo glanced over at Liam. The boy shrugged.

‘Sure. I like you.’

Theo smiled again and Liam felt the warm feeling return. It felt good when Theo smiled and it made him want to see the other boy smile all of the time.

‘Holy!’ The high pitched voice cut through the air as Brett and Mason looked at the wreckage of Liam’s bike, then to the boys on the steps. Liam felt Theo stiffen immediately. The fingers that had been gently curled around his own slipped away as Theo got to his feet.

‘We thought you died!’ Mason squeaked.

‘I said he’d be fine.’ Brett huffed.

‘He’s not fine! He’s hurt!’

‘Who’s your boyfriend?’ Brett teased. Liam felt the blush return.

‘Shut up!’ Liam yelled. He tried to take a step forward but his injured knee gave out. Theo reached for him, barely managing to grab the back of his shirt collar before Liam fell. Which made Liam reach out and fall against Theo as they were propelled backwards. Liam landed square in Theo’s lap. For a second he was very close to the other boy, and could feel his heart thundering through the button up shirt his hand rested on.

‘Get a room.’ Brett laughed. Liam rolled away, embarrassed. He glanced back at Theo—who wore a look of hurt and shame. Liam wanted to say sorry, and to tell Brett to go away, but a dark car pulled into the driveway. Liam caught sight of a tall man with dark hair and a grim expression. He went directly into the house. A woman got out of the car shortly after, dressed in black. Liam could tell she was Theo’s mother since they had the same eyes.

‘There you are. You can’t go running off on your own like that.’ Her voice was strained, like a piece of clear plastic Liam’s mom used on bowls of leftovers. It kind of creaked.

‘Who cares.’ Theo mumbled under his voice.

‘Theodore Karl Raeken.’ There was an edge in her tone—one Liam was familiar with. He saw Theo’s head dip at the use of his full name, and a glance to Liam to see if he was going to laugh. Or something. Liam wasn’t sure.

‘What would your sister say if you behaved like this?’ She walked towards her son.

‘Nothing. Because she’s dead.’

‘Theo—‘

‘She’s _dead!_ And she’s not coming back.’ Theo’s voice was quiet. His mother froze in place, like a nail had just hit her right in the heart. Liam watched as she kind of crumpled after that. Deflating.

Theo suddenly looked guilty. He took her by the arm and led her up the steps to the front door.

‘C'mon. I’ll help.’

She mumbled something to the boy as he opened the door for her and she disappeared inside. Something about not bothering his dad. Theo paused at the doorway. He flashed a smile at Liam. Except it wasn’t a good smile that made Liam happier earlier. It was heavy and it hurt. It made Liam want to reach out and pull Theo close again. Except he couldn’t. Theo was closing the door.

When they were alone in the yard Liam looked at his friends. Mason was inspecting the flowers along the curb, anything but dealing with the tension they all felt. Brett looked embarrassed.

‘What I said… I didn’t mean it to be bad. I just like… I just… I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said. It felt like the weight that was on Theo was on him now. Pressing down on him.

‘Do you… like that Theo guy?’ Brett asked. Liam glanced up. He couldn’t help the small smile on his face. Brett nodded to himself and shoved his hands in his pockets.

‘What do we do with this?’ Mason asked, looking at the bike. The frame was twisted, but Brett managed to stand it up. The back wheel wobbled but still turned.

‘I guess walk it back.’ Liam said. They wheeled it onto the road and started talking about important things—if a pokemon could win against a real dinosaur. What cars they had in GTA (which none of them were technically allowed to play). If your blood really boiled when you were in space with no helmet. Liam felt a bit better.

He stopped at the top of the hill, hopping on his one good leg so he could see Theo’s house. The curtains moved in one of the second floor windows, as if someone had been watching him. 

Liam would have to come back next week to see Theo. He’d hug him then. Make him smile and feel better. That would make things right.

That night Liam nicked some markers and supplied from his mom’s craft table and made a card for Theo. The paper was green, and there were two wolves on the front in the forest (because wolves were pretty cool). The wolves touched noses, and had Theo’s name underneath in big letters. Inside Liam wrote a quick note to Theo. When he was done he tucked the card away.

The next day he stood on the curb for ten minutes to work up the courage to run up the steps and slip the card through the mail slot. He hobbled away after as fast as he could on his healing leg. The next time he saw Theo he hoped the boy was happy.

###

The next day Liam was dragged away to visit his aunt and uncle in the countryside. His cousins were pretty cool, but he thought about Theo the whole time. Things he usually liked seemed to be boring and tedious. The days passed so slowly, and he had no way of knowing if Theo even got his card. Liam stayed up all night, worrying that maybe Theo’s mom found it and threw it out. Or maybe Theo’s dad found it and ripped it up. Parents could be mean sometimes, like his own dad. He worried so much he started to have dreams about Theo thinking that Liam didn’t like him. Which was worse than the plain normal worrying.

###

Liam skateboarded to Theo’s house as soon as he got home and away from the chores his mom wanted him to do. When he got there he kicked his board up and frowned in confusion. The house looked empty. There was a big sign on the front that said it was for sale.

Liam walked up to the door and knocked. No one answered. He peeked into the window. The rooms were bare—nothing but wood and plaster. That meant Theo was gone, and he would never see him again.

Liam sat on the edge of the steps and rested his board nearby. Theo probably didn’t even get his card. He probably was sad and alone and his parents were bad to him. Liam felt his heart sink. He hated the feelings running through him. Worse than sadness. A sharp pain. A dull ache. An emptiness. Something gone from a spot where it should be.

He fought back tears, wiping them on his arm when he spotted the envelope. It was stuck to the planter Liam had crashed into (and was still broken). Liam scrambled towards it, making out his name in big letters as he got near. He tore the side open and pulled out a folded up drawing. It was full of clouds and shooting stars. A big black wolf was running in the sky and another wolf, kind of brown-gold, was running along side of it on the mountains. A small note was on the bottom:

_Thank you for the card. I tried to make the wolf the same color as you’re hair, but it wasn’t very good. And I don’t got all the right colored pencils. But I hope you like it. I like your card. My dad says we got to move away to Texas. I really wanted to see you more. I dont like that other kid who was yelling at us. But I thought it would maybe be cool if you liked me and want to be boyfriends. I got to go now. And maybe I can email you. thank you for caring about me_

__

__

_love Theo_

Liam read the letter several times. His heart went wild as his eyes flew over the words. Theo moved. But wanted to be his boyfriend maybe. And Theo liked him! But there was no email address, and Liam didn’t know anyone in Texas, but he remembered it was very big. Maybe his mom could help him track Theo down. He kind of remembered Theo’s name… was it Rankin? Raymen? He needed to remember!

Liam grabbed his skateboard and headed home. He needed to write down all the combinations he could think of until Theo’s last name popped back into his head. Then his mom could help him look online so he could get Theo’s email. They could at least write to each other. That was something. It wasn’t Theo’s voice, or his green eyes, or his warm hand. But if it was all Liam could have, he’d take it.

###


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam is 17 and trying to figure out his place in life, and where he's going. Everything changes when he goes to a house party and an unexpected guest shows up to save him from a brutal fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is more crazy stuff! Teen Liam and Theo! No supernatural aspects. 
> 
> We're going all AU with this one folx!
> 
> Here's a song. Because why not: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAr6r9_Sxns&frags=pl%2Cwn
> 
> :D

‘Liam!’

‘What?’ Liam turned to scowl at Mason.

‘I know Hayden dumped you. I know you’re having a shitty day. But you got to let it go man!’

‘I loved—‘

‘If you say it one more time I’m gonna smack you. I love you, but I will smack you.’ 

‘But I—‘

‘Dude. She made out with Greenberg. Right in front of you.’

‘That doesn’t count, we were technically not together for that week.’

‘Liam—you’re “technically not together” anytime she wanted to get with another guy. Which was often. I mean, I’m all for a girl getting what she wants. But not when she’s treating you like this, man.’ Mason said.

Liam sighed. This argument had been going on since Liam was thirteen and he’d asked Hayden out. At first she made him work for it to prove he could be a good boyfriend. Then over the next few years she’d calmed down a bit and things were actually nice. They hadn’t gone very far in their relationship—Hayden always put everything off, except kissing for the most part. Liam knew that she liked to get with other guys, and though it bothered him, it didn’t bother him as much as he felt like it should. Still, Hayden had been the only relationship he knew. Sort of. There was one other, brief moment that made all the time he was with her pale in comparison. But that was lost in the past, and Liam fought to forget the sad, dark-haired boy with the big smile.

‘Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do. We go home. Shower. Get dressed up. Go out. Have a blast and forget everything. Just for a little while.’ Mason said.

‘You’re gonna try to sneak us into a gar bar again. Mason—if my mom has to bail me out one more time—‘

‘No! No. Who do you think I am? I’m chill. We’re chill. It’s chill.’ Mason waved him off.

Liam raised an eyebrow.

‘Ok fine! I know a guy who works there and he was gonna leave the back door open. But we can play it safe and go to Lydia Martin’s house party instead.’

‘Is that even an option? Isn’t that invite only?’

‘Liam. You are a beautiful man, but you have a limited imagination.’ Mason clapped him on the shoulder. Liam frowned. Was that meant to be a compliment?

‘I don’t know if this is going to help.’

‘It will. Trust me. In a few hours you’ll be so drunk you won’t remember your middle name.’

‘How will not remembering my middle name help?’

‘Just… shut up and go get ready.’ Mason sighed.

###

Liam stood in his boxers, fresh from the shower, in front of two possible outfits. There was the casual jeans and faded tshirt, or the tighter tank and tighter jeans. He looked between them, unsure which to go with. Mason would tell him to make everything as tight as possible. But Mason just liked any excuse to check out his ass. Or be the guy with the friend who’s ass everyone wanted to check out. He was feeling more relaxed. Not really wanting to hit the rebound hard, like Mason was implying. Hayden hadn’t broken his heart. Sure, it hurt. It hurt bad, because Hayden was all he knew. They had a pattern, a routine. He didn’t care if she hooked up with other guys. Actually, it had been that admission that prompted the break up.

Liam sighed. He kind of just wanted to be left alone. The bed squeaked as he sat on the corner, eyes wandering across the room. Falling on a bright piece of paper sticking out from under all the things on his bulletin board. He knew what it was without moving everything aside. Still, it had been years since he looked at it, and he found himself removing the laters of notes and pictures burying it.

Parts of the construction paper had faded from being in the sunlight. The rest was almost exactly the same as the day Liam got it. He traced along the wolves with a finger. Theo. Last name unknown. He’d sat with his mom all day trying to search the other boy up and failing. In the end his mom thought he’d made Theo up—he had a whole football field of imaginary friends after all. Theo wasn’t imaginary, though Liam did think about him a lot. More than he should for some random kid he met nine years ago. He wondered what happened to Theo. A small smile creeped onto his face at the words the other boy had written… boyfriends. he barely understood the concept then, and now that he was older he was pretty sure he was straight. Even with all of Mason’s gentle teasing that he was bi. Not that Liam minded. He was fine with however he was.

He put the card in the top drawer of his desk. He’d never see Theo again. Maybe it was time to let go of that memory and move on. Maybe that had been the real problem with Hayden… he wasn’t fully committed to her because of some stupid, silly crush that was probably nothing more than childhood infatuation. Maybe he’d find someone at the party to cozy up to for real. Possibly do a bit more than kissing or fumbling hand jobs. But he’d do it on his own terms.

Liam grabbed the tight jeans and the faded tee. Mason would be happy at least. And if Liam was lucky, a nice girl would be, too.

###

The party wasn’t just a party. It was a ranging, teenage, firestorm of loud music and alcohol crammed full of sweaty bodies. There were enough people to fill the highschool, but most of them Liam didn’t recognize.

‘Who are these people?’ Liam yelled over the music to Mason, who’s wandering eyes had picked out a few potential guys already.

‘Beacon Hills, Devenford Prep, Central West, and probably some guys from across the tracks.’ Mason said, attention divided. Liam sighed.

‘Go.’

‘Huh?’

‘The cute boy trying to blend into his surroundings by the door. You’re staring. Go.’ Liam gave his friend a gentle nudge. Mason hesitated.

‘He’s too cute to stay unnoticed for long, dude.’ Liam grinned.

‘You’re literally a prince. A king. A majestic lion.’ Mason said. Liam rolled his eyes as Mason wormed his way through the masses to the cute boy who started blushing when Mason began to talk to him. That left Liam alone. He wasn’t sure what to do—he he stood still to long he was going to get bumped into the pool by all the freshmen goofing off. And if he went inside he had no doubt he was going to be coaxed into drinking half a bottle of rum or something equally as vile.

Liam made his way through the wall of bodies to the other side of the backyard. He knew there was a chance of Hayden being there, but he didn’t expect her to be making out with his other best friend and full-time rival. As they broke the kiss Brett tilted his head toward Liam, not asking if it was okay, but more checking the status of their bond. Liam gave him a weak smile and a nod before slipping inside. He should have been furious. Or at least a little bit upset. Instead he felt tired. Worn down. He knew Brett would come by in a few days with a six pack and want to chill in the basement. A small peace offering that started with mountain dew and ended up with whatever awful beer the tall teen managed to get his hands on.

Liam pried his way through the french doors that were jam-packed with people. Once he was inside he staked out a small corner of the living room for himself. He grabbed a nearby beer bottle—empty but enough of a prop to make him blend in and keep people from asking if he needed a drink. He didn’t feel like drinking at all now. Instead he felt lost. He shook it off—he came here to start living a new life. To move on from childish dreams. He scanned the room to see if there was anyone he was interested in, but it was hard to see through all the dancing and yelling. Just when he was about to give up he spotted an older girl with brown hair standing across the room. Her eyes flicked up once, briefly, then dropped. Liam smiled and made his way over.

‘Hi.’ Liam said.

‘Hey.’ She glanced at him.

‘I’m Liam.’

‘Cora.’

‘Where do you go?’

‘Nowhere. Graduated last year.’

‘Oh. Cool.’

‘Listen, you should probably take off.’

‘Jealous boyfriend?’ Liam asked.

‘Overprotective older brother.’ She said with pity.

‘Cora.’ The voice was deep. Menacing. Liam turned and came face-to-face with Derek Hale. A few years older and infinitely scarier than anyone that went to Beacon Hills, he stood out like a dark cloud in a room full of glow sticks and jagermeister.

‘Who’s this?’ Derek frowned.

‘No one, Derek.’ Cora sighed.

Derek’s eyes burned a hole through Liam as the teen tried to will himself invisible. It didn’t work. More than that, whatever Liam had tried to make himself look less threatening came off as a challenge. Derek straightened his back, chest sticking out. Liam could already feel his jaw breaking and he swore he’d never talk to random people ever again. But just as Derek took a step forward a hand fell on Liam’s shoulder.

‘We got a problem here?’ The guy stepped in front of Liam. He could only see the back of his head, but judging from the guy’s height and how built he was, he could easily match Derek in a fight.

‘None of your business.’ Derek growled.

‘It kind of is, since it looked like you were about to hit my boyfriend.’ The guy crossed his arms. Liam nearly choked at the lie. Derek glanced over the guy’s shoulder to Liam, mistaking the blush on his cheeks for embarrassment of being saved. He glanced back at the guy and made a noise. 

‘C’mon Cora.’ Derek said, walking away.

‘I’m not visiting him.’

‘He’s your uncle.’

‘He’s a jerk.’

‘Still your uncle.’ Derek said as they pushed their way outside.

Liam set his empty beer on the table. For the first time in the night he wished it was full.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam said, turning to the guy, ‘Fine. Thanks—‘

The words left his lips, followed by silence. It was Theo. His Theo. Grown up, big! And good looking. More than Liam remembered.

‘Easy now.’ Theo said as he studied Liam who continued to gape at him. Theo chuckled and looked away. Did Theo know it was him? Where did he come from? Had he been at the party the whole time? Did he move back? Liam’s mind raced as Theo guided him to the side stairs and shooed a few freshmen away.

‘You look like you just swallowed a whale.’ Theo said after a few more seconds of silence.

‘I looked for you!’ Liam blurted, immediately blushing.

‘I mean, I tried to find you. You didn’t leave you email.’

Theo laughed, ‘Yeah, I remembered a few days later when I got mad at you for not writing me.’

‘I tried. I mean, I did. Write you.’ Liam said. Why did everything he say sound so dumb?

‘What did you write?’ Theo asked, sitting beside Liam.

‘I dunno. Dumb stuff. Kid stuff.’

‘That’s all?’

‘Yeah. I think.’

‘Nothing else?’

Liam shook his head. Theo leaned back. Liam took the chance to take everything in—his smile, the size of his shoulders and arms. Theo clearly worked out. He even smelled good. Liam rubbed his hands on his pants. Why were his palms to sweaty?

‘Did you answer the question?’ Theo asked.

‘What question?’

‘In my card.’ Theo said, leaning closer. Green eyes with flecks of amber and brown. So close.

‘If you would be my boyfriend?’ Theo’s voice was deep. Raspy. Liam clutched the edge of the step he was on to stay in control of himself.

‘I…’ He looked up and Theo moved away suddenly, laughing. He slapped Liam on the back and smiled.

‘I’m just messing with you, Liam. I know it was just stupid kid stuff.’

‘Oh. Haha.’ Liam forced a smile. Why did that hurt worse than Hayden breaking up with him?

‘You look good.’ Theo said.

‘So do you.’ Liam managed.

‘Do have a death wish or did you not know there was a reason everyone was avoiding that girl?’

‘I just thought she was pretty.’ Liam squeaked. Theo made a noise. Appraisal? Curiosity?

‘How long are you here for?’ Liam asked.

‘Not long. I’m—‘

‘Liam.’ Brett stood in front of them, hands in his pockets. Hayden nowhere to be seen. The tall boy glanced at Theo. Liam could see the flicker of recognition but not familiarity. Still, because they were sitting so close Brett shrugged it off.

‘We’re heading to the pit. Coming?’

‘Sure.’ Liam glanced at Theo, ‘Wanna come out to the middle of the woods and sit around a fire?’

‘If that’s what all the cool kids are doing.’ Theo said, staring directly at Brett. The teen snorted.

‘Fine.’ Brett said, slinking off.

‘Well he’s exactly the same.’ Theo muttered.

‘Yeah. Hey, you don’t got to come if you don’t want to.’ Liam said.

‘It’s cool.’ Theo flashed a smile. ‘Give us a chance to catch up.’

###

They were the last to arrive. The fire was already going. Mason and his cute new boy were huddled together talking quietly, which surprised Liam. That meant Mason was really into him. More of a boyfriend than yesterdays memory then. That was cool.

Brett and Hayden were sitting together, making out. Nolan and Tracey sat with each other, nursing wine coolers as they watched Brett and Hayden respectively. Everyone knew Nolan had a huge thing for Brett, but the other boy went out of his way not to date him. Liam didn’t know why. Tracey’s torch burned just as bright for Hayden. They’d even hooked up a few times when she was taking a break from Liam. A fact that didn’t endear him to Tracey at all.

‘Liam!’ Mason smiled when he saw his friend sit down beside the fire. ‘This is Corey.’

‘Hey.’ Liam smiled at the boy. Corey gave a shy wave.

Mason turned to Theo as he sat down. This time the recognition was instant and Mason shot to his feet.

‘Ohmygod!’ Everyone turned to see what had startled Mason, who was staring at Theo.

‘Bike Crash Theo!’

‘What?’ Theo blinked.

‘I’m right, yeah?’ Mason looked at Liam, ‘Theo who you wouldn’t shut up about for months? Theo who you had a mad huge crush on?’

‘Mase!’ Liam hissed. The teen beside him chuckled.

‘Bike Crash Theo.’ Brett’s voice was level as he looked at the other boy.

‘That’s me, apparently.’ Theo said.

‘Holy shit.’ Mason sat back down. ‘You know Liam got obsessed with wolves after you made that card for him? It was all he ever wanted to learn about. We even had a wolf shaped cake for his tenth birthday.’

‘Mason!’ Liam said through gritted teeth.

Hayden made a noise. ‘I’ve never heard of him.’

‘Me either.’ Tracey added.

Brett rolled his eyes and headed to the trees.

‘Where are you going?’ Hayden asked.

‘To piss.’ Brett said.

‘Is this a regular thing?’ Theo asked.

‘We come out here a couple times a month.’ Nolan piped up.

‘I meant the embarrassing Liam thing, but that’s cool.’ Theo said.

‘I’m not embarrassed.’ Liam muttered. Hayden was looking at him funny.

When Brett can back he wedged himself between Tracey and Nolan. The boy was happy to have his crush sitting beside him, but Tracey looked upset at being displaced. Until she made the leap over to Hayden’s side. Liam felt the shift in dynamics all focus on him and Theo—both Brett and Hayden were looking in their direction along with Mason and Corey.

‘I have to pee.’ Liam said, glancing at Mason before shuffling away. He heard voices behind him then footsteps as Mason followed him into the trees.

‘Dude!’ Mason beamed. ‘It’s him!’

‘Shut up! I know!’ Liam hissed.

‘Well?’

‘Well what?’

‘Is he staying? Ask him out!’

‘What? No!’

‘What about the kiss?’ Mason asked. ‘And the card?’

‘It’s just kids stuff. He said it himself.’ Liam said.

‘Man, I see how he looks at you. He’s into you!’

‘Dude, not everyone is gay.’

‘Ouch. Okay. I’m going to let that slide because you get pissy when you’re upset. But I’m gonna expect a burrito later as an apology.’

Liam sighed. ‘I’m sorry.’

Mason nudged him. ‘Just give it a chance, man. Be open.’

‘What if he… what if all this time it was just some stupid, one-sided thing?’

‘So you admit you like him!’

‘Look at him!’ Liam said. Mason laughed.

‘Okay. Let’s get back there and just, play it by ear, okay?’

Liam nodded and let Mason lead the way back to the fire. Hayden was parked beside Theo, who was looking at her with an amused expression. Liam took a seat beside Tracey, who was shooting daggers at Theo.

‘Liam, you didn’t mention Hayden was your ex.’ Theo said.

‘Um, yeah. We broke up a few days ago.’

‘Officially single and ready to mingle.’ She smiled at Theo and wrapped her arms around Theo’s bicep. Liam bristled, drawing a surprised reaction from Tracey.

‘That’s funny, cuz I’m not.’ Theo said, eyes twinkling with mischief.

‘You definitely don’t have a girlfriend.’ Hayden said, ‘And if you do she doesn’t deserve you for letting you out of her sight.’

Theo laughed and patted her hand. Liam felt sick to his stomach seeing them flirt. Theo caught his eye and gave him a quick wink.

‘I’m actually more into guys.’ Theo said.

‘Who isn’t?’ Hayden whispered.

‘Well count me intrigued.’ Theo said as Hayden smiled in victory, ‘But I kind of need permission before we go any further. That okay?’

‘Whatever you need to do.’ Hayden said.

‘Liam?’ Theo said, eyebrow raised.

‘Ummm, yeah?’

‘Do you want to have a threesome with your ex? I mean, I’m all for meeting your exes, but this might be a bit much? If you’re down, I’m down.’ Theo said, nodding to himself.

‘Wait, what?’ Hayden asked, looking between them.

‘Oh, didn’t Liam tell you? We’re going out.’

‘Bullshit.’ Brett said, a dark look on his face.

‘It’s true.’ Theo said.

‘You should probably kiss. To prove it.’ Tracey said with a little too much eagerness in her voice.

‘Yeah, prove it.’ Mason said with a smile.

Theo got to his feet, but before he cold take a step towards Liam, Brett intercepted, getting right in Theo’s face.

‘I know what you’re doing.’ He said.

‘Trying to kiss my boyfriend.’ Theo said.

‘You’re just gonna use him and then toss him away. You don’t deserve him.’ Brett’s voice was low, fists balled.

‘You don’t wanna do this, slim.’ Theo smirked.

‘Try me.’ Brett said.

‘Guys?’ Mason tried to get between them. Before he could, Brett shoved Theo. The other boy tried to go around him, but Brett swung wide, fist connecting with Theo’s jaw. Theo crouched and drove forward, catching Brett off guard as they hit the ground. Theo got a solid punch in before Brett managed to flip over, giving three swift punches to Theo’s jaw and side.

‘Stop!’ Liam stood over them. A final, fierce glance between them ended the fight, and Theo backed off with Liam’s help, wiping the blood from his split lip. As he brushed Theo off a sedan pulled up, lighting up the entire fire pit.

Two figures got out.

‘Who’s that?’ Nolan asked.

‘My foster dad.’ Theo said, ‘And social worker.’

‘Why are they here?’ Hayden asked.

Theo looked at Liam, ‘To take me to juvie.’

‘What?!’ Mason stood as the adults approached, hiding the wine coolers.

Theo leaned in so only Liam could hear him speak.

‘I kind of did some shit. Stupid shit. I ran away. Didn’t know where to go, so I came back here. I never imagined…’ Theo said, eyes searching Liam’s face.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m selfish.’ Theo said, turning to go. Liam grabbed Theo’s arm and pulled him back into as kiss. It was intense, and sad, and soft. Liam could taste a hint of blood. Theo pulled away slowly, lips lingering. Suddenly he looked like the sad little boy Liam had met on the steps of his house all those years ago. Lost. Alone.

‘Theo.’ The voice was stern. ‘You need to come with me and Braeden.’

Theo closed his eyes and took Liam’s hand.

‘Don’t go.’ Liam whispered. Theo gave a final smile.

‘He’s right. Your friend. I don’t deserve someone good like you.’ Theo let go of Liam’s hand, allowing his foster dad to guide him back to the car.

‘Wait!’ Liam said, catching the woman’s attention, ‘Where’s he going? How do I stay in touch? I need to know!’

‘I’m sorry. It’s best if he doesn’t have any contact. Theo’s a very troubled boy.’ She said as the car doors closed.

‘But I… I need him.’ Liam looked at his hands. Empty. Helpless. Pitiful. Weak. he looked up just in time to see Theo’s face in the back window of the car. The teen gave a weak smile. It left Liam feeling hollow inside. Like there was nothing left. This was heartbreak. This was pain.

‘I knew he was no good.’ Brett said as the tail lights disappeared.

Liam didn’t speak. His anger came to a sharp point and he turned on one of his best and oldest friends, slamming his fist into Brett’s jaw and knocking him to the ground again. The tall boy looked up at him—the pain from the wound apparent, but a deeper hurt was there too. Betrayal.

‘Don’t fucking talk to me ever again.’

‘Liam…’ Mason put his hand on Liam’s shoulder, but Liam shrugged him off.

‘Not a fucking word. Understand?’ Liam said, anger burning in his eyes. Brett lowered his eyes.

‘Understand?!’ Liam yelled.

‘I get it.’ Brett said. Only then did Liam back off, heading down the road.

‘Where are you going? We can give you a ride.’ Mason said.

‘Mase, just… I need to be alone. Okay? I’ll talk to you in a few days.’

‘Okay, Liam. Be safe.’

Nolan helped Brett to his feet as Liam walked off into the night. It wasn’t fair. He was so close. He was so close! And then in the blink of an eye everything was torn away from him again. Expect this time the only thing left was anger.

###


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Liam prepares for the onslaught of finals, a stranger from the past returns and flips his world upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... this might not make sense. At all.
> 
> Things get a bit dark here, before they get bright. There are recollections of violence and some issues related to mental health, though brief, were researched and are exceptional circumstances for the sake of the story. Though I realize this is not a reflection that is accurate for most/many living and surviving with similar metal wellness challenges, I've pushed it to the limit for the story. So please take that into account and know that it's not something I am frivolous with in approach. But if you would like to discuss, please feel free to do so.
> 
> And some things here are taken from life. So... maybe don't yell at me if you have a point to bring up. :|
> 
> Also, laws? Press? Who knows. I'm just dust. I certainly don't.
> 
> And there's a LOT of talking in this one. A lot.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMg9xm5gCSQ&frags=pl%2Cwn
> 
> .

Liam rubbed his temples as if the action could banish the growing headache his trig notes were creating. They were in the middle of finals, and he’d just come from English lit and settled into his favourite coffee shop to try and cram a little extra knowledge into his brain before his trig exam later in the evening. The coffee didn’t help much, but at least it gave him something to do as he poured over his notes. 

Corey, Mason’s boyfriend, was working which meant every time he saw Liam was empty he’d being some fresh coffee over without a word. Corey was one of the few people left in Liam’s life after he’d gone on a single-minded tear trying to find Theo. Mason had pitched in, and they’d even had several promising leads, but whenever they got close there was always something in the way. Bureaucracy. Red tape. Sealed records. Even the old new reports were suspiciously thin with details—many with redacted edits removing names dating to two years after Theo had moved away from Beacon Hills. Whatever had happened had nearly wiped Theo from existence.

Liam’s drive to find him pushed away everyone in his life. Corey and Mason were close, and there were a few other students Liam was friendly with, but no one deeper than that. No one meaningful. Liam had explained it over and over to his parents, to anyone that was worried about him. He knew who he wanted—he just had to find him. Mason had tried to set him up a few times, but that stopped when he saw how gently Liam turned down the dates he want out of his way to meet, and the sadness behind his eyes as he explained he actually was looking for someone, just someone in particular. The only other thing that filled his life was school—studying history and been a passion, and now it was something he was aiming to make a career. Except trig. Somehow he needed trig. The one subject he hated more than anything.

As Liam chewed his pencil a mug clanked against the table as it was set down. 

‘I’m still good, Corey.’ He said without looking up. Who even invented trig anyway?

‘That’s nice to know.’ The voice was familiar. Liam bristled when he saw Brett standing at the edge of the table. They’d gone their separate ways at the end of high school, and true to Liam’s wishes, Brett never spoke a word to him. At least until now. It had been almost five years since they spoke, and the guilt flared up inside of Liam as hot as it had been the next day. He hadn’t meant to lash out. Hadn’t meant to hurt someone he cared about, but the shame was so great he couldn’t bring himself to even stand next to the other boy. Now, after several years, maturity had dampened down the raw emotions with deeper empathy and obligation to mend what he’d broken.

As Liam got to his feet Brett moved back slightly. Almost unnoticeable. Except Liam did notice, and it stopped him where he stood. He’d meant to pull Brett into a hug. But that was something that required trust, and Liam definitely didn’t have that.

‘You okay?’ Nolan asked from the counter where he spoke to Corey.

‘All good.’ Brett flashed a smile. Nolan’s lingering glare directed at Liam was the final clue in the puzzle that spelled out their relationship.

Liam sank back down in his seat. Brett shifted awkwardly from foot to foot before pulling out a chair and angling himself along the table.

‘You look good.’ Brett said.

‘I look like shit.’ Liam said, making the tall man chuckle.

‘You look like shit.’ He echoed with a smile.

Silence stretched out—coarse and uncomfortable. No longer sweet stillness between friends who spoke on a deeper level. Liam broke that. Maybe forever.

‘You go here?’ Brett asked, poking the text book.

‘Unfortunately.’ Liam mumbled. Nolan and Corey broke out into laughter as Corey went into details about the “romantic” camping trip Mason tried to take him on last summer. Even as he listened, Nolan would glance over at Brett, as if he couldn’t help it. It made something well up inside of Liam, different from the shame.

‘How long have you been together?’ Liam nodded towards Nolan.

‘Almost five years now.’ Brett said, looking away.

‘Oh.’ Liam said. There was no way to avoid it.

‘Listen, I—‘ Liam stopped as Brett held up a hand. His expression was hard to read. Happy and upset at the same time.

‘Are you busy right now?’

‘Kinda. No. Not really. I have a bit of time before my next final.’ Liam said.

‘I have to drive to the grocery store.’

‘Okay?’

‘You want to come with me?’ Brett asked, a hopeful look on his face. Liam glanced over at Nolan, who gave a small nod.

‘Sure, I guess.’ Liam said. It only took a second to pack up his things and head out to Brett’s car. The tall man was silent the entire time he backed out of the parking spot and got onto the road.

‘You’re not going to drive me out in the middle of the woods and kick the shit out of me, are you?’ Liam asked with a chuckle.

‘Do you really think I’d do that?’

‘No.’ Liam looked away, ‘But I kind of wish you would.’

Brett looked over at Liam, a pained expression on his face.

‘I know when we were young I was… difficult sometimes. And I don’t have a good excuse. You know I never knew my parents. My mom adopted me when I was little, yeah?’

Liam nodded—they all knew that about Brett. It wasn’t a secret, but it was something the boy never talked about much growing up. The topic was always met with dismissive jokes or tight-lipped resistance.

‘That kind of shit messes you up when you’re a kid, you know?’ Brett said, ‘Well, I guess you don’t, really. But it does, Liam. I used to think about my parents at night when I was little… was I so awful that they didn’t want to keep me? Defective? Or sometimes I’d imagine it was them that were broken and bad. But I’m made of the same stuff. Can’t escape that shit easy. Nolan helps a lot.’

Liam rested his hands on his knees and listened. It didn’t feel like he should talk. Even if it did, what was he supposed to say?

‘Do you remember when we met? We were five. You yelled at me for pushing the other kids out of the sandbox. I cried. And you shared your stupid animal crackers with no heads with me.’

‘You have to bite the heads off so they can’t watch you.’ Liam mumbled. Brett laughed.

‘Exactly.’ He said as he merged onto the highway.

‘Brett, where are we going?’

‘To get groceries.’

‘We passed like five stores already.’

‘Do you remember when I was six and I broke my leg? Do you remember what you wrote on my cast? “Pals 4 ever”. Remember that?’

‘I remember. I couldn’t find my markers in my room so I made you wait downstairs while I got my mom’s lipstick to write with.’

‘She was not happy.’ Brett chuckled.

‘I did… I meant it.’ Liam said.

‘I know.’

‘What I did—‘

‘I loved you ever since that day.’ Brett said, keeping his eyes on the road.

Liam tried to think of something to say. Anything. But no words came.

‘You were so… you. And I wasn’t. Everyone liked you. And I was so mad that it was so easy for you, and that they get to be so close. I know it’s not like what you deal with, but I was always mad. And then Theo showed up… I remember seeing you there with him, on the steps. And I hated him right away because you were hugging him. Holding his hand. And I wanted those things, but I didn’t know how to ask. Couldn’t ask. I… got all twisted up inside. The way you looked at him hurt so much. I didn’t know what to do.’

‘That doesn’t mean it was okay for me to do that to you.’ Liam said.

‘No. Yeah. I dunno. Nolan would say I should value myself more. So I guess.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam said. 

‘It’s okay.’ Brett smiled.

‘No, it’s not.’ Liam said, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never knew you thought that, felt that, about me.’

Brett laughed, ‘Liam, do you seriously not see how people are drawn to you? Why do you think Hayden held onto you so long even though she knew you didn’t belong with her? Or any of us.’

‘I’m not anything special.’

‘No you're an idiot.’ Brett said. 'A kind one, anyway.'

‘So, is… are you okay now?’

Brett shrugged.

‘I have Nolan.’

‘You love him.’

‘More than anything. It took me awhile to understand, though. But when I did, I remembered you face when they took Theo away. When you hit me. I didn’t understand it before, but now I do. At least I think I do. That look. You can’t have it if you don’t care. And I know you do.’

They pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store. The sun was hovering over the horizon, too lazy to set but unable to resist the slow pull of night. Brett turned off the car and they sat in silence. All Liam could hear were the sounds of shopping cart wheels on pavement and the cooling of the car engine from the hood in the front. Brett seemed nervous, rubbing his hands on his pants. Liam wasn’t sure what was going to happen next—they were way off script from anything he’d ever imagined.

‘Do you still think about him?’

‘Theo?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Every day.’

‘Mason told me you haven’t gone out with anyone since that night.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘Would you date someone if you knew Nolan was out there, waiting somewhere?’

‘Not everyone is as pure as you, Liam. Not all of us are that strong.’

‘I didn’t mean to be—‘

‘It’s fine. I know. It’s just… it hurts us to see you like this.’

‘Like what?’

‘Waiting. All the time. Looking, like there’s nothing else that matters.’

‘I go to school.’

‘From what Mason says, barely.’

Liam shrugged. So what if he missed a few finals, a few lectures? It was a small price to pay to get one step closer to Theo. To finding anything out about where he might be, or how he could find him.

‘What would you say to him, even? It’s been nearly five years.’

‘That doesn’t matter. None of it matters.’

‘What if he’s not what you think? What if there’s a side to everything you haven’t seen?’

‘I don’t care.’

‘It’s easy to say that, Liam. Really easy.’

‘Did Nolan say it?’

Brett paused.

‘More or less, yeah.’

‘And?’

‘He’s still with me. Even though I don’t know why half the time.’ Brett sighed. He opened the glovebox and pulled out an envelope before setting it on Liam’s lap.

‘Birthday card?’ Liam chuckled.

‘I know you looked on your own. But I have some friends from school. They dug a little deeper.’ Brett said, rolling down the window.

Liam opened the envelope and pulled out several sheets of paper. The first one that greeted his eyes was a juvie rap sheet titled Raeken, Theodore Karl, along with Theo’s mug shot.

‘How’d you get this?’

‘Does it matter?’

‘No.’ Liam said, combing over the pages. He pulled out several articles about Theo’s sister’s death. Articles he’d read dozens of time, but these ones had names.

‘I don’t understand. Why were these edited? I’ve been over them a thousand times and they didn’t have his name.’

‘In certain circumstances when a minor is involved, courts can… compel changes to be made. Like when things are excessively violent. So kids can have normal, happy lives. Except taking names out of ugly things doesn’t make wounds close.’ 

‘You’re saying that happened to Theo?’ Liam looked at the mug shot again. Black eye. Scrapes. Blood. Theo’s words echoed in his mind.

_I kind of did some shit. Stupid shit. I ran away. Didn’t know where to go, so I came back here._

Was Brett trying to tell him something when he talked about not knowing his parents? About how things like that can mess people up when they’re kids? That couldn’t be true. Liam didn’t want it to be true. His heart ached so much it felt like it was going to burst. He nearly startled when Brett handed him some tissues.

‘Guess you kinda figured it out.’ Brett said. Liam wiped his face and clutched the envelope in his hands. The top of the last article was sticking out. Half of a headline—Young Boy Sole Survivor of Murder-Suicide.

‘That’s it.’ Liam said. He couldn’t bring himself to read the article, but he knew there’d be no mention of names. Something connected to Theo’s sister’s death, too somehow. It was the last article in the pile. Nothing to tell him were Theo was. Nothing saying he was okay, or if people were taking care of him, or if he was happy.

‘What now?’ Brett asked. Liam blinked back the last of his tears and pulled the tall man into an awkward hug.

‘Thank you.’

‘I dig up everything awful from your supposed boyfriend’s past and you thank me?’

‘I know his name, now. The full thing. I can find him.’

‘You still want to, even after knowing all that? All the stuff he went through? All the stuff he did?’

‘More than ever.’

‘You can’t fix him, you know.’

‘Not about that.’ Liam shook his head.

‘What then?’

‘How can you make your life better, if no one’s in your corner? If you don’t have someone to lean on and support you?’

‘Fuck.’

‘What?’

‘You’re something else, Liam Dunbar. Theo might not know it but he’s one of the luckiest people alive.’

‘Because I’m so stubborn?’

‘Because you care.’ Brett said, getting out of the car.

‘Where are you going?’ Liam followed, leaving the envelope behind.

‘Nolan’s making supper and he’s demanding zucchini.’

‘Okay?’ Liam followed. The store was so air conditioned it was almost freezing. Liam shivered as he followed Brett through the aisles, thinking it was odd his old friend didn’t even bother to pick up a hand basket or a cart. When Liam started to wander Brett began chatting—small, simple things about Nolan, or their apartment, or his job. Nothing to complex, but enough to hold Liam’s attention, even though he kept thinking he should grab a frozen pizza for supper later.

‘I wonder if they have any sweet potatoes.’ Brett said, even though he hadn’t bought a single thing he’d been inspecting for several minutes.

‘Probably?’ Liam said. Why wouldn’t they?

‘Can you go ask that guy there? He looks free.’ Brett glanced up at a guy placing red peppers on the display. As Liam approached he noticed the guy’s shirt was a bit untucked in the back. Maybe a size too big. And he wore a blue apron like all the other workers in the store, but his spiffy blue cap was sitting in the half empty box of peppers he was stocking.

‘Hey, sorry. My friend is looking for sweet potatoes.’ Liam said, smiling as the guy turned to face him. He felt the floor fall away from his feet as green eyes took him in. First an expression of excitement, followed by one of fear and shame.

‘Theo?’ Liam’s mind raced—Brett knew he was here. Brett had found him and brought him here. Theo looked worn down and tired. Stubble lined his jaw. Dark rings under his eyes. A sleeve of tattoos travelling up from the fingers on his right arm, beneath the edge of his shirt sleeve. Greasy hair. Ill fitting clothes.

‘What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.’ Theo said, not meeting his eyes.

‘Theo…’ Liam took a step forward, bringing the space between them. Theo moved back. Away.

‘You should go.’ The words stung like a lash, tearing into him. Liam steeled himself—he’d dreamed of this moment so many times over the years. All the different ways it might happen. And he wasn’t going to back down now, not after everything he’d endured. Not after Brett showed him that envelope.

‘I’m not leaving.’ Liam said, grabbing Theo’s arm gently. He could see the panic flare up in Theo’s eyes then fade into defeat.

‘Everything alright here?’ An older man asked. Liam glanced at his apron where a supervisor badge was pinned.

‘Yeah, old friends.’ Liam smiled. The supervisor looked at Theo, who gave a small nod. The man walked off, leaving Liam and Theo alone in the produce section.

‘I have to go.’ Theo said.

‘No.’ Liam followed as Theo started to stride to the back room. He pushed the door open after Theo made his way inside. Theo turned on him then, a look of anger mixing with the sadness.

‘You have to leave, Liam.’

‘I’m never leaving.’

‘You’ll get me fired. I need this job.’

‘I’m not leaving.’

‘Fuck!’ Theo said, pacing the floor, running his hands through his hair, ‘Fuck.’

'What happened? That night after they took you?'

Theo held out his arms--the tattoos ranged from stick and poke to professionally done.

'I went to juvie. I got out. I was pissed. I got the shit kicked out of me trying to kick the shit out of some other guy. I went to jail. Eighteen months. Halfway house. Here. Now we're caught up.' Theo turned and started to walk away.

‘I didn’t stop looking for you. Every day. I didn’t stop.’ Liam said. Theo spun around to face him.

‘Why? Why, Liam? Because we kissed once, when we were teenagers? You don’t know me, Liam! You don’t know anything about me.’ Theo said.

‘I know that… I know what happened with your sister wasn’t your fault.’ Liam said. Theo bristled at the mention of his ancient shame.

‘I know that what happened with your parents wasn’t your fault, either.’ Liam went out on a limb and guessed what young Theo might have thought after enduring such tragedy and pain.

‘I told you.’ Theo said, an intense look in his eyes, ‘You don’t know me after all.’

Liam stepped forward. Theo wavered, but he didn’t retreat. Liam could see it in him as plain as daylight—the pain was etched so deep in Theo it came out in how he moved, how he carried himself. Like he’d be beaten down. Like he was waiting for the end to come.

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam whispered.

‘You? What for?’ Theo tried to make it into a joke, but the somber look on Liam’s face combined with the open honesty of the words disarmed him.

‘I should have tried harder. I should have held onto you that night and never let go. I should have stayed at your house the night I crashed my bike.’

‘Liam, you were just a kid. There was nothing you could’ve done.’ Theo said, fighting to keep the emotion from his voice.

‘Bullshit! Bullshit.’ 

‘There’s nothing worth saving anyway. Trust me.’ Theo said.

‘Yes,’ Liam said, ‘There is.’

Theo hung his head.

‘It’s easy for you to say that. You don’t know the things I’ve done. Things I can’t take back.’

‘I know some of them.’ Liam said. ‘And I don’t care. You were a kid. You were in pain. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t mean you’re worthless. It doesn’t mean you’re bad.’

‘My dad—‘

‘—was ill. He was sick, Theo. It had nothing to do with you.’

‘He… Me and Tara. That night. He went wild. Yelling, shouting. Pointing at me. Said I was spying on him. I didn’t understand. There was a struggle and I fell into the river. Maybe he threw me. I don’t know. But Tara saved me. She died for me. And what did I do with it?’ He shook his head.

‘When you moved to Texas—‘

‘We didn’t. It was just part of another delusion. We ended up in a motel a few counties away. Most of our stuff got sold or stolen. My mom, she couldn’t handle it. After Tara died they both got worse.’

Theo pulled his apron off and set it aside.

‘I don’t know where she got the gun. I remember it was almost shining from the light outside the window. Then there was a loud noise and I couldn’t move. Like when the air is knocked out of you. I heard stuff though. Voices. I still hear them. And the other gun shots.’ Theo said, pulling down the shoulder of his over-sized collared shirt to expose a faded scar smaller than a bottle cap.

‘She died thinking she killed me.’ Theo whispered.

Liam felt the tears well up in his eyes. Just tears. No sobs. No tremors of emotion. Endless tears flowing down his face, unexpected and unavoidable. Theo had been carrying so much pain for so long. Alone. But it didn’t have to be like that. Shouldn’t be like that.

‘You’re wrong.’ Liam said.

‘What?’

‘You’re wrong. That there’s nothing to save. That I don’t know you. I know you better than anyone. I know the real Theo. I know the Theo that Tara pulled out of the river. I know the Theo that fixed my knee and gave me my first kiss. The Theo that broke out of his foster home and came to find me, even after I failed to find him. The boy who kisses me and leaves me, over and over.’ Liam said.

Theo looked at him with tired eyes. There was so little left inside. He reached out, fingers brushing away Liam’s tears. Liam started to turn away.

‘It’s okay to cry. Remember?’ Theo said.

Liam gave a sad smile. Why did the memory hurt so much now? Why was everything such a mess?

‘If I was better. If I was stronger, I could have saved you. Helped you.’ Liam said, voice shaking. Theo hung in front of him, eyes darting. Heart singing. He hesitated, arm halfway. The sight of Liam crying pushed him over the edge of all the doubt inside, and he placed his hand behind Liam’s head, drawing him close until their foreheads were pressed together. Liam’s tears slowed as he felt the warmth of Theo’s skin. The rhythm of his breathing.

‘What are you doing?’ Liam asked, looking at the other man who’s eyes were closed.

‘I’m giving you all of my good thoughts.’ Theo whispered, ‘But there aren’t a lot. So it might take awhile.’

‘Until what?’ Liam asked, putting his hands around Theo’s neck. Keeping him close.

‘Until you feel better.’

‘Just being like this, being near you, makes me feel better.’ Liam said. Theo sighed.

‘I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything.’

‘I don’t care what you think you deserve.’ Liam said, ‘I’m not letting go ever again. Okay? I’m not going anywhere.’

The kiss was soft. Quiet. A promise in the dark. A pledge to stand together, to support each other. No more running. Fingers tangled into too-long hair. Tears dried. Smiles, though small, were hopeful at the promises of the next day, and the day that would follow.

‘Aren’t you in college?’ Theo asked.

‘Mmmhmm.’ Liam said, leaning against Theo’s chest. The sound of Theo’s heart. His voice. Everything was nice.

‘Shouldn’t you be in class?’

‘What time is it?’

‘Almost supper time.’

‘I missed my trig final.’

‘Liam, that’s not good.’

‘Fuck trig.’ Liam said, wrapping his arms around Theo’s torso. He heard the chuckle from deep in Theo’s chest. They would move forward one day at a time, facing the past together. The future together. Liam knew it would be hard. It would hurt sometimes. But as long as they had this, it was worth it. As long as they were together, there was nothing they couldn’t overcome.

‘Better?’ Theo asked. Liam nodded.

‘Worked faster than I thought.’ Theo smiled. There was still pain there, but the hope was brighter. Clearer.

‘That’s because you’re my good thought.’ Liam said.

‘That’s the cheesiest line I’ve ever heard.’ Theo said, shaking his head as he pulled Liam close and buried his face in the crook of Liam’s neck.

‘Got any others?’

‘For you I got a million.’ Liam said.

###


End file.
